I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
