Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
