I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
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