Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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