if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
