Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
