clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
