overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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