wakey wakey hands off snakey
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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