you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Randomize
