Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
