I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
