TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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