Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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