I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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