Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
