i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
