He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Randomize
