before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
