I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
