the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
