She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
