i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
