I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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