Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
