My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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