I must be too annoying 4 u.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
