ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Randomize
