I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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