i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
