My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
