Rock
Scissors
Fuck
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
