I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I am spending my child support on dildos
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
