And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
