If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
