I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
