Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
