insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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