I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
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I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
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It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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