I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
