I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
