i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
