I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
