i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
