You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
