so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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