I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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