just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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