She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
