There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
