I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
