I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Randomize
