I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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