He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Randomize
