apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
