if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
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