smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
