That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
