Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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