i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize