ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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