i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
i've created a new STD.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
