Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
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Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
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He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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