Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
