All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
