Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
