Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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