I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
