No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I showed him my bush... on skype.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
