you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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