Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
