and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
