Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
