dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
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