I didn't shave. On purpose
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
