I swear she didn't look like that last week.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
my poor anus
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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