I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
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