oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
