I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
